mulaneysbutt:

"But it’s very strange. Cause this is the first time I’ve ever seen a law change because the government was just like, ‘*sigh*… fine’."

Mulaney: An Opening Act Preview Special | (x)

tinarannosaurus:

"I thought we weren’t doing the death scene but I saw the sparks and went with it. Was I convincing?"

request (x)

qwantzfeed:

joey comeau of a softer world dot com and i share this fear of death-before-death.  it’ll probably take us both??

more comics! 

did-you-kno:

An old set of taxidermied boxing squirrels was found in the back of a closet at a Goodyear Tires headquarters. Their value was estimated at $300, but they sold at an auction for $70,000. Source

did-you-kno:

An old set of taxidermied boxing squirrels was found in the back of a closet at a Goodyear Tires headquarters. Their value was estimated at $300, but they sold at an auction for $70,000. Source

wrasslormonkey:

Cleanup on row 1 (by @WrasslorMonkey)

wrasslormonkey:

Cleanup on row 1 (by @WrasslorMonkey)

“If I remember correctly, it was a little girl, maybe 8 to 10 years old. I was walking down and I was going to talk from the crowd, so I was walking halfway down [the stands] and right as I get to the spot that I wanted to talk from, I just feel these little arms wrap around me, down near my sternum. I almost broke character. [I got] the biggest smile and started laughing. I think they may have cut away and went to the ring, but it was the cutest thing ever.”

tytnetwork:

For some reason Fox News allowed Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson to give his opinion on the problems with ISIS, unwittingly showing that Christian fundamentalists and Muslim fundamentalists are extremely similar.

request (x)

un-ermite:

"this is not my beautiful white house!"

un-ermite:

"this is not my beautiful white house!"

dizorubu:

YAAAAAY A BIGGER BATHTUBTHANKS SO MUCH U FUCKING PRICKS

50% larger and double the size don’t mathematically mean the same thing, though?

dizorubu:

YAAAAAY A BIGGER BATHTUB

THANKS SO MUCH U FUCKING PRICKS

50% larger and double the size don’t mathematically mean the same thing, though?

disgustinganimals:

kick-stick-and-click:

So we tried taking the goat for a walk..

maybe if you took it to a more goat appropriate environment like a grassy field or a garbage can

In 2002, having spent more than three years in one residence for the first time in my life, I got called for jury duty. I show up on time, ready to serve. When we get to the voir dire, the lawyer says to me, “I see you’re an astrophysicist. What’s that?” I answer, “Astrophysics is the laws of physics, applied to the universe—the Big Bang, black holes, that sort of thing.” Then he asks, “What do you teach at Princeton?” and I say, “I teach a class on the evaluation of evidence and the relative unreliability of eyewitness testimony.” Five minutes later, I’m on the street.

A few years later, jury duty again. The judge states that the defendant is charged with possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine. It was found on his body, he was arrested, and he is now on trial. This time, after the Q&A is over, the judge asks us whether there are any questions we’d like to ask the court, and I say, “Yes, Your Honor. Why did you say he was in possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine? That equals 1.7 grams. The ‘thousand’ cancels with the ‘milli-’ and you get 1.7 grams, which is less than the weight of a dime.” Again I’m out on the street.